Why do I sleep when I could be writing? How will I ever succeed, if I constantly sabotage myself?
Here’s what I know:
- I sleep a lot because my anti-anxiety medication makes me fall asleep after breakfast.
- I watch a lot of TV, which takes up the time I would like to be writing.
- I think stories a lot more than I write them.
- This is all very frustrating.
I would never want to stop taking the meds to be less sleepy, because then I’d be anxious and depressed all over again. And still not writing.
At first, the meds made me write. They gave me energy, and I felt excited by the prospect of getting back to the typewriter. I had avoided taking anything for my depression because I had believed that my creativity would be cut off. So I had great hope.
But now, a year later, I’m just sleepy, and at least 15 pounds heavier. I don’t mind the extra weight, but I do mind the sleeping.
Why not try to fight it, you say? I feel like I do fight it, but I am not winning the battle.
I know. I seem to be a broken record, from post to post I write about the same theme, that of writing about not writing. I am hoping to work it out, and I guess it will take me a while. I see my doctor next week on an unrelated matter, and I plan to bring up this sleepy situation.
I do know this: I will never stop trying to write. I surround myself with notebooks, and am always writing my outlines and ideas in them. I am sure I will succeed soon. In fact, this is a better goal than writing a certain amount of words a day: to keep on trying.
That’s what I’m doing. Just let me take another nap first.